Marital communication influencing and persuading your spouse

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Why does my husband always disagree?
Why does my wife put my ideas down?

One of the most irritating aspects of life as a united couple is trying to convince your spouse when they take a Macho attitude. Wives say that when they want to suggest an idea to their spouse, or get an agreement that a problem needs to be fixed, they are often faced with denial and negative attitudes. Husbands report that when they want to try something new, their partners often reject their suggestion without proper consideration. And both men and women say that they resent tiptoeing around on eggshells to avoid getting their life partners angry.

Some people seem to be constantly negative or skeptical. How can you influence someone who always looks for the crack or the loophole in what you say? Doesn’t it seem unfair that it's often with your life partner that you have the least credibility? What do you have to do to get taken seriously? It can be easier to just give up rather than spend time and energy trying to get people to listen.

When a person is running what we call a Macho Pattern, they operate as if they believe the following:

* They already know everything there is to know.
* They do not have any problems; they and everything connected with them are perfect.
* If there are problems, they are of someone else's making.
* They are better, higher, more important, and more knowledgeable than anyone else.

How many times have you made major decisions to assuage someone's ego or to prevent them from losing face? Just listen to media interviews. When the interviewer asks if someone were surprised by the turn of events, rarely if ever will the person admit to being surprised. That would be saying that they did not already know everything there is to know.

Once I sold a sales training program with optional follow-up coaching. No one took up the coaching offer because that would have meant conceding they needed help. Now the coaching is just part of the training program.

All of us have the tendency to become Macho at times. Notice your reaction when one of your parents tells you what to do!

To make sure that even your spouse will consider your ideas, you could use this Macho Test as an editing technique.

Is it anywhere stated or implied that?

1.There is something they don't already know,
2. I am telling them what to do,
3. They have a problem and I have the solution,
4. They are not perfect in some way, and/or
5. I am better than they are in some way.

If any of the above are stated or implied, it does not pass the Macho Test! You may wish to rephrase as follows:

1. As you probably know...Then state the thing you suspect they do not know
2. Use the language of suggestion: You may wish to consider...
3. I understand that other couples have had this issue and what some of them have done is...How have you solved this problem?
(This implies they have already solved all the problems)
4. With your experience and knowledge in this area...
5. Your role is... My role is...
(This lets you establish different yet equal roles)

Next time when you sense if you present a 'new' idea, your spouse will deny it's actually new, try suggesting that it may be something they have already considered. You probably already know exactly who all the Machos are in your life. Once rephrase your thoughts to pass the Macho Test, your spousal partner may become more willing to participate in the free flow of ideas.

Do you have good friends

Friends are a gift of God. If we have good friends, we should assume that God has showered us with His unlimited grace. What does a good friend mean? What are the differences between ordinary friends and good friends? What is friendship?

Let us begin our enquiry by asking about what is friendship? Can it be defined? What is the relationship of friendship? What qualities does this relationship have? When two persons share common interests, care for each other, enjoy being together and help each other, they are called as friends. Is this a correct definition? It broadly covers the areas of friendship.

For being a good friend, we should share more of these qualities. Is that right? Say, you share some interests with your friend, and there are few things that interest you, but are of no interest to your friend. Does this make your friendship ordinary? Sit back and count your good friends. Now count the interests that you share and those that you don't. Is there any mathematical formula? Can one be a good friend, even if one shares very few interests? Provided of course, that our qualities that I mentioned above are in plenty?

What about caring for each other? Many a times, we find that friends are careless in their relationship, but when it comes to crunch situations, they come forward with all their might and show tremendous care. Does this imply, that even if a friend is not much caring on a day-to-day basis, he/she can still be a good friend, if there is a strong affinity that brings them together?

Let us talk of enjoying each other's company. Does this mean that good friends avoid others? Are they always found together? What if they don't meet each other for a month? This relationship is indefinable. Isn't it? Because being a good friend of someone may mean that we care for each other deeply, but need not show it always. We are ready to help whenever the need arises. That even if we are not together all the time, we love being together. We defend each other whenever any external threat arises. The last test is the final test of good friendship. Friends may remain away for a long period and continue

with their life, but when the need arises, they are together. They share a bond that ties them together. They have shared so much with each other that the past always carries itself in the future.

Friendship means that we like each other. We have shared some great moments together. We value and respect each other. Unless there is a bond of hearts and emotions, no outward sign can make a friendship good.

How to keep a long distance love alive

The hardest love to fall for is long distance

love. Relationships are hard work, but when you

add distance between the two of you it can become

even more complicated. Long distance

relationships are quite common these days as the

Internet brings people together from all over the

world.

Being in a long distance relationship can be very

difficult and confusing. All relationships take

work, but long distance relationships take a bit

more work in the way of communication, compromise,

and understanding. Many people believe that long

distance relationships cannot work. It's true

that a large number of long distance

relationships fail, but this is true of

relationships that do not deal with distance as

well.

Long distance romances can work; they just need a

little extra effort and some planning. What many

people don’t realize is there are many benefits

to being in a long distance romance. When you

understand how fortunate you are to have someone

at the other end, willing to go the distance, you

won’t waste another minute pining away for your

lover.

The truth is, long distance relationships, like

all relationships come in many shapes and sizes.

There are challenges to maintaining a long

distance relationship to the satisfaction of both

partners.

Long distance relationships involves two people

who share an interest in each other lives, care

for one another and of course have a love for

each other that they hope will only continue to

grow. On the other hand, a long distance

relationship requires a special willingness and

understanding that can test love like no other

type of relationship can. It requires constant

communication and a desire to continually create

your relationship, using the only real tool you

have... your words

The most difficult thing to deal with in a long

distance relationship is the most obvious thing:

the distance. Here are some ways to endure the

long distance: play cards or games over the

internet or watch a movie "together" by renting

the same movie, start at the same time and

talking on the phone, made gifts for each other,

create a list of things to do together, send lots

of cards and e-cards.

This will definitely help to make your

relationship work.

One of the first keys to success in a long

distance relationship is effective communication.

It is important for both persons to feel that

they are an active part of the others' life. This

is best accomplished through communication. Email,

web cams, and digital pictures can diminish

distances, but nothing replaces the intimacy of

hearing your partner's voice. No relationship

lasts without communication. Pick up the phone

every day and chat with your partner for 15

minutes, at least. Just let them know that you're

thinking about them and you miss them. Everyone

loves this.

Long distance relationships can work; it just

takes the commitment of both people for it to

last. Both people involved have to be committed

to communication, whether it is through the phone,

through emails or written letters. Communication

is something we all take for granted when we are

in the presence of one another, but when you are

dealing with a long distance relationship you do

not have the benefit of body language to help

guide you. Communication is the key to making

these relationships work.

Trusting the person at the other end of a long

distance relationship can be difficult. People

often have a hard time believing the words that

are passed along during phone conversations if

they can't actually see the source, or unless

they truly trust the source. Without trust and

honesty, the relationship is in danger just as it

would be any other relationship. By accepting the

challenge of a long distance relationship, you

also accepted the fact that you will have to have

the trust and faith that your partner will not be

seeing anyone else as promised.

Photos are very important. Since you two can't be

together physically, photos will have to work.

Take some fun photos of yourself and send them,

sealed with a kiss, to your honey.

Also, to keep your magic love alive, plan a visit.

Promise that you will visit her and keep that

promise. This will make her feel happy.

There are days when you feel lonely. There are

moments when you long for a touch instead of a

call. Still, you bond endures. Whether separated

by an ocean or an outlook, the shortest distance

between two hearts, it is said, is love.

Don t let anxiety and fear ruin your relationships

Do not let your fears stop you from being in a relationship. Some people may be afraid of getting into a relationship because they may not be able to handle the stresses and anxieties in the relationship. Well here are some tips to help manage these stresses and fears.

Don’t anticipate what may or may not happen in a relationship. Take it one thing at a time. Some people may be afraid of what could happen. Instead, focus on what is happening now. If a problem does arise, then you can try to figure out what you can do to fix the problem. Until then, take it one step at a time.

Try to learn why you are feeling anxious. Ask yourself what is it about relationships that scare you or makes you anxious. Think about it and try to figure out what is the basis of your fears and anxieties. If you do not know, then ask a professional.

Once you know what is causing your fears, you will become better in dealing with these stresses. Practice makes perfect. As you learn to deal with these certain fears, you will gain the confidence in being in a relationship.

Remember that being a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you have to marry the person. There are all kinds of relationships. There are friendships, dating relationships, more serious relationships, and others. Find the type of relationships that make you feel comfortable and go from there.

If you still have trouble in dealing with the stress and fears of a relationship, then talk to a counselor. A counselor can provide much helpful advice on how to handle your fears and anxieties. He or she will also work with you as long as it will take for you to feel comfortable in managing your stresses and anxieties.

Remember that managing the stresses and fears of a relationship can be managed with a little effort and persistence.